Tuesday, August 19, 2008

So much for dealing

So now that the reunion has settled in a bit, I am glad that I went. Even if I originally went in a begrudged state because another friend wanted to go. While I am content in the fact that I handled it, I still can not get over how hard it was that night. You see, ever time I walked away from someone or changed rooms I was looking for the same person. Elisabeth. It really hit me the Thursday night before the reunion that she was not going to be there, but I thought I could settle that feeling by the time Saturday came around. I managed to stay distracted most of the day by taking part in my least favorite activity at the worst time of the year…shopping…for pants…on tax free weekend. Well, I was not at the reunion more than 10 minutes before someone walked up to me and mentioned her. I quickly told them to stop, don’t talk about it, I already had multiple meltdowns in the shower about it. We changed the subject. Each time someone brought her up, they got a similar response from me, and each time I walked away I wished I would find her. There is not a major event in high school that we did not do together. Come to think of it, there is not a major school event we did not do together. From the time we met in elementary school through sophomore year in college, including living together freshman year. Seriously, I am perfectly fine about it until an event like this comes up. Then it just sucks for a few days. All I really needed that night was a genuine squeeze, hug, or feeling that I had a best friend like her still around.

Thankfully, work is right around the corner to help me refocus.


Lisa said...

Hey girl. I'm sorry that the reunion was a reminder of Elisabeth. What little I knew about her, was still amazing. Try to remember the good times. You will always those memories even if you can't talk to her about them today. While I've never lost a best friend, so I can't imagine what that must have been like, I do know that one day you will see her again.

On a different note, a small part of me wishes I went the reunion. My little Emma is a stubborn little thing and pretty much needs to nurse to sleep. And it was so dang expensive... with the tickets, then I would need to buy something to wear, etc... anyway excuses aside wish I could have seen you. If you are ever able I would love to see you and let meet my little girls!! miss you!

Just say Julie said...

I'm glad you went. And glad we got to chat about it. Sorry about the turn of events though :(

Jen said...