So much for dealing

So now that the reunion has settled in a bit, I am glad that I went. Even if I originally went in a begrudged state because another friend wanted to go. While I am content in the fact that I handled it, I still can not get over how hard it was that night. You see, ever time I walked away from someone or changed rooms I was looking for the same person. Elisabeth. It really hit me the Thursday night before the reunion that she was not going to be there, but I thought I could settle that feeling by the time Saturday came around. I managed to stay distracted most of the day by taking part in my least favorite activity at the worst time of the year…shopping…for pants…on tax free weekend. Well, I was not at the reunion more than 10 minutes before someone walked up to me and mentioned her. I quickly told them to stop, don’t talk about it, I already had multiple meltdowns in the shower about it. We changed the subject. Each time someone brought her up, they got a similar response from me, and each time I walked away I wished I would find her. There is not a major event in high school that we did not do together. Come to think of it, there is not a major school event we did not do together. From the time we met in elementary school through sophomore year in college, including living together freshman year. Seriously, I am perfectly fine about it until an event like this comes up. Then it just sucks for a few days. All I really needed that night was a genuine squeeze, hug, or feeling that I had a best friend like her still around.

Thankfully, work is right around the corner to help me refocus.