Take my girl card and youth card

No, seriously. Here, have them. Keep them. They are all yours. There are few things that make me “girly”. I do not craft; I build. I do not shop; I shoot. I would prefer a college football game to a craft show any day. I do not complain about my weight and I can literally get ready in 10 minutes. It is a plus when you do not wear makeup and your wardrobe consists of jeans, Chuck Taylors, and anything that is ironed.

As mentioned here before, I do not enjoy shopping. I shop like men…go, get in, get it, and get out. (That sounds far dirtier than intended by the way.) Well, I realized today that Christmas is tomorrow, and I needed shoes to wear to church. All I need is a new pair of black peep-toe heels. My old ones have been resoled twice and will not withstand a third go at the cobbler. I knew it would be tough given “‘tis the season”, but really?!

I went to the fancy mall three miles from my house because fancy people go there. By no means do I fit into this category, but I knew it would be less crowded than the malls with stores like The Gap and Dillard’s. (Nothing wrong with those places, I shop at them, but Fancy Land has Barney’s, Neiman’s, and 7 diamond stores. Enough said)

It was not horribly crowded, but I had a crazy hard time finding a pair of shoes. Why are all the heels out there now like 5 inches high? And platform? I do not swing on a pole for a living! I am sure they look cute on some people, but my chicken legs are not the target audience for this look. Long story short on the shoes is that I settled for a pair that works for work and I am going to try to “dress them up” for Jesus’ birthday.

My shopping trip was capped off with a feeling of “GEEZ! I am old. And not girly”. You see, the very kind gentleman that owns/manages Fancy Land often shuts down stores so that celebrities can shop in peace. It is really nice of him to do, and means a lot to the honored guest. Often times these are only mildly important local athletes or the occasional “B” lister, but today. TODAY! It was…brace yourself ladies…

THE JONAS BROTHERS! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAHHHHHAAHHHHH!

I know. Right.

I heard a mumble or two about these guys as I was power walking from one store of hooker heels to the next. Normally it would not have fazed me, but today I overheard GROWN MEN talking about them. Weird. As I walk into a store, I see a blond blur rushing toward me. She stops and calls my name startled. It is a young girl I know from my teaching era. She is near tears because (imagine a slight valley accent and over dramatics) “her friends A and B had just met the Jonas Brothers and now she will NEVER meet them”. I kinda giggled, offered the best support I knew how, and backed away slowly.

As I begin my next power walk, a crowd of people slows me up. They are gathered outside of a nice jewelry store that is being blocked by a LARGE cop. Not security guard. COP! I glance over my right shoulder and OMG! There they are! All three of them. In all their skinny jeaned glory. THE JONAS BROTHERS! Performing my caring adult duty, I rush back to the store, find the blond blur and notify her of their whereabouts. Off she went. The blur returns.

I then realized I suck at shopping. I never liked boy bands. New Kids, N’Sync, Backstreet, none of them. I cried when I saw Limp Bizkit in concert. Does that count? I also look at the Jonas boys and think “what nice young men”. But yet, I was slightly annoyed that they thought it a good idea to go shopping in the middle of the day, two days before Christmas, at a busy mall where they knew stores would have to be shut down.

Anyway, I got my shoes, made a young girl’s Christmas wish come true, and came out alive. Minus my girl card, youth card, and 2 hours of my life.

Just a side note...in my research for this post, I found out that the Jonas Brothers have 1,110,000 friends on MySpace. Do you feel lonely and friendless now? And who still uses MySpace?!