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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Take my girl card and youth card

No, seriously. Here, have them. Keep them. They are all yours. There are few things that make me “girly”. I do not craft; I build. I do not shop; I shoot. I would prefer a college football game to a craft show any day. I do not complain about my weight and I can literally get ready in 10 minutes. It is a plus when you do not wear makeup and your wardrobe consists of jeans, Chuck Taylors, and anything that is ironed.

As mentioned here before, I do not enjoy shopping. I shop like men…go, get in, get it, and get out. (That sounds far dirtier than intended by the way.) Well, I realized today that Christmas is tomorrow, and I needed shoes to wear to church. All I need is a new pair of black peep-toe heels. My old ones have been resoled twice and will not withstand a third go at the cobbler. I knew it would be tough given “‘tis the season”, but really?!

I went to the fancy mall three miles from my house because fancy people go there. By no means do I fit into this category, but I knew it would be less crowded than the malls with stores like The Gap and Dillard’s. (Nothing wrong with those places, I shop at them, but Fancy Land has Barney’s, Neiman’s, and 7 diamond stores. Enough said)

It was not horribly crowded, but I had a crazy hard time finding a pair of shoes. Why are all the heels out there now like 5 inches high? And platform? I do not swing on a pole for a living! I am sure they look cute on some people, but my chicken legs are not the target audience for this look. Long story short on the shoes is that I settled for a pair that works for work and I am going to try to “dress them up” for Jesus’ birthday.

My shopping trip was capped off with a feeling of “GEEZ! I am old. And not girly”. You see, the very kind gentleman that owns/manages Fancy Land often shuts down stores so that celebrities can shop in peace. It is really nice of him to do, and means a lot to the honored guest. Often times these are only mildly important local athletes or the occasional “B” lister, but today. TODAY! It was…brace yourself ladies…

THE JONAS BROTHERS! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAHHHHHAAHHHHH!

I know. Right.

I heard a mumble or two about these guys as I was power walking from one store of hooker heels to the next. Normally it would not have fazed me, but today I overheard GROWN MEN talking about them. Weird. As I walk into a store, I see a blond blur rushing toward me. She stops and calls my name startled. It is a young girl I know from my teaching era. She is near tears because (imagine a slight valley accent and over dramatics) “her friends A and B had just met the Jonas Brothers and now she will NEVER meet them”. I kinda giggled, offered the best support I knew how, and backed away slowly.

As I begin my next power walk, a crowd of people slows me up. They are gathered outside of a nice jewelry store that is being blocked by a LARGE cop. Not security guard. COP! I glance over my right shoulder and OMG! There they are! All three of them. In all their skinny jeaned glory. THE JONAS BROTHERS! Performing my caring adult duty, I rush back to the store, find the blond blur and notify her of their whereabouts. Off she went. The blur returns.

I then realized I suck at shopping. I never liked boy bands. New Kids, N’Sync, Backstreet, none of them. I cried when I saw Limp Bizkit in concert. Does that count? I also look at the Jonas boys and think “what nice young men”. But yet, I was slightly annoyed that they thought it a good idea to go shopping in the middle of the day, two days before Christmas, at a busy mall where they knew stores would have to be shut down.

Anyway, I got my shoes, made a young girl’s Christmas wish come true, and came out alive. Minus my girl card, youth card, and 2 hours of my life.

Just a side note...in my research for this post, I found out that the Jonas Brothers have 1,110,000 friends on MySpace. Do you feel lonely and friendless now? And who still uses MySpace?!

5 comments:

angi_b72 said...

Great post!! I love how you write!! Have a very Merry Christmas!!

Just say Julie said...

hahahaha! I feel your pain. I went to get some black boots last week and couldn't find anything that was smaller than a 4 inch heel. I do not handle heels of any kind very well, as we all know. Glad you got to share the joy of jonas :)

Nana said...

The Jonas Brothers. How exciting.
(not really) They look like girls to me. Of course I'm 180 yrs. old.
I feel lucky if I get 4 comments on my blog. Poor Jonas brothers only a million something friends.
I'm visiting over from sits.
Merry Christmas.

Columbia Lily said...

ah the jonas brothers...they look like poor men's beatles, kind of shaggy and bedraggled.

Yaya said...

That's sort of selfish for them to close down a whole store so close to Christmas?? Spoiled brats....

Love this post!